Thoughts

I really should be taking advantage of these years. At work, I’m the youngest in my office, which gives me a rather unique lifestyle that isn’t shared by the majority of coworkers. One of the things that, at least in theory, I cherish, is the sense that outside of work hours, I’m my own man.

A spouse and/or children, seem to be the triggers that have made everyone else in the office better people – less selfish with their time, more thoughtful of others in scheduling their lives, etc. I, on the other hand, proudly tout my ability to live almost purely for myself outside the office – I shun plans lest they encroach upon “me time.” And I take pride in the times I’m able to get more than 8 hrs of sleep, knowing so few of those older than I are able to. I haven’t yet reached that point where I can honestly say that I’d be happy to give up my selfish ways for another but I know that this happens to most people at some point, so I’m embracing it while I can. But, like I said earlier, this is just theory lately because while I’d love to sleep away my “me time” I’ve been robbed of the ability.

I can’t fall asleep quickly anymore and, what’s worse, is that I’m scared that this whole “less than 8 hrs” trend is going to persist. There are few thoughts that leave me feeling more empty inside than that my best nights of sleep are behind me. I wake earlier and earlier on the weekends lately – feeling a desire to get up and be productive – which has cut, at least, 2 to 3 hours off my Saturday and Sunday sleep-ins. And during the week I’m waking earlier and falling asleep later, losing probably another 2 hours per night. So far, I’m losing anywhere from 14 to 16 hours of quality sleep a week that I’m at a loss as to how to reclaim them because, the cruel nature of this affliction is that I’m not even napping anymore. With these types of core sleep hour losses, it would be irresponsible and dangerous to risk a nap further interfering with my sleep cycle. Taking a nap or two out of my week, and suddenly I’m sleeping 18 hrs, or more that TWO full nights, less per week. A travesty, to be sure.

Some people out there – the kind that love the double-shot of espresso coffees and sharing their life-betterment tips without solicitation – will undoubtedly argue that I’m reclaiming productivity hours for my day. They’re right. And maybe having kids makes those hours of sleep truly worth losing.

But, as I don’t plan on that happening anytime soon and will cheerfully continue my selfish, “me time” centric lifestyle, I’m going to use those hours to be cranky and despise myself for the time wasted awake. I may be more productive and attentive to others in my life, but I don’t have to be happy about it. Yet.